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Welcome to Father's Day in CyberSpace!
I would like to tell you a little about my father, Benjamin Fruchtman. Daddy was born in Austria. He and his family migrated to the United States when he was the ripe old age of 6 months old. They lived on the Lower East Side of New York for many years.
My father was a real character! Everyone that knew him loved him. He just had a way about him that was endearing. I too, loved him dearly! I miss him even more.
Since 1989 — Fourth of July Weekend has great meaning for me. Unfortunately it is not a weekend that brings me much joy! My father died on July 1, 1989 on the way home from an ocean trip to Bermuda. A trip — at his age — he should have never taken! Little did he know as he made plans for the trip, that it would be his last trip anywhere!
There was never a time when I doubted my father's love for me — no matter what or who tried to come between us. There were those that tried too, rather unsuccessfully — my mother and later my step-mother. Kind of like history repeating itself!
My mother's jealously robbed us of a healthy family relationship. I was an only child and needless to say, my father spoiled me rotten — of course. (I have very fond memories of this, I can assure you!) Therefore, I could not blame her — in a way. It's easy to say that now, after the fact. At the time it was very unpleasant and that was the cause of many of the battles between my mother and myself and my mother and father. However, she was my mother, and I knew in her own way she loved me — just did not know how to show it.
I do not remember a time when I could not depend on my father. No matter what — he was always my hero and there to rescue me. There was never something that he could not solve or at the least, make better for me! He always knew the right answers to everything and anything! He always had the solution — the cure for all my ills! He really seemed to too! I miss him bitterly! I try to block out the loss by not thinking of it, not dealing with the pain. I never had the time to grieve properly. When he died it seemed that my step-mother and step-brother were always trying to out maneuver me. I always had to stay one step ahead of them. I was never able to grieve properly. Never able to Sit Shiva — to sit in mourning for 7 days — as is the customary way that the Jewish mourn for their Immediate Family. Never able to close the door on his life and come to terms with his death. For this reason, I never visit the cemetery — another place that does not make me feel better. After I held the traditional Jewish Unvailing of the tomb stone — after a year from his death — I never went back for a visit — aside from when someone in the family died and was buried along side him in the family plot. Then, I always found it disturbing when the mourners stepped on top of my mother and father's graves during the ceremonies. However, there is a place that I can go, where I feel his presence — of course, not his physical presence. Let me explain! When my father died I inherited his car. A car that he loved more than anything else (He had a car fetish, always polishing and cleaning it — he had the first car in the neighborhood where I grew up!) — where he and I spent hours on end talking and visiting — sitting by the river on 23rd street in Manhattan. When I am in the car I feel as if he is watching over me and that everything will be ok. (I hope you all don't think that I am crazy and taking leave of my senses! I assure you, this is very much NOT the case!) Some people go to the cemetery to feel better, I go for a drive! It does not hurt anyone and it makes me feel better — so it harms no one and helps me as far as I can determine!
We got along most of my life until my mother died. — Of course we had our fallings-out, but never where we were mad for too long. It was never one of those relationships you hear about where the child does not talk to the parent or the parent does not talk to the child for years on end. I never doubted that my father loved me. That was probably the only thing that I never had to doubt! Not even at the end! I just wish he did not die alone! He must have been so frightened!
My father was very bitter when my mother died. She died suddenly in her sleep after 46 years of marriage. He struck out at me almost immediately after her death.(never physically!) He was so hurt and bewildered for a time all he could think of was all the things that my mother and I fought/disagreed about — things that he never spoke about before. But it seemed that as long as he could argue with me he was keeping her alive. Eventually that stopped too and we went on as before. It occurred to me that he did this because he was so hurt and I was the closest thing to my mother — after all, I was a product of the two of them. Understanding this, he still remained my hero and we managed to pick up the pieces. We had another obstacle when he remarried. My step-mother was an insecure individual and found me a threat to her. She even forbid me to call and talk to my father on her phone! She forgot that he paid half the bills! Anyway . . . that brought my father and I even closer together — we became like co- conspirators. She brought it on herself as she hung up on me whenever I called to inquire about my father's health or just to chat for a few minutes. She could not understand why I would want to speak to my father a few times a week or call everyday or perhaps twice-a-day when he was sick or had just come home from a hospital stay. She would not even let me speak to my father. Sometimes I felt like the other woman having to get other people to call for me so that I could talk to my own farther — even if there was an emergency. Imagine having to do that at my age — or any age, for that matter! The one and only good thing that came out of my father's death was that I never have/had to deal with my step-mother and her children again. It was like a blessing in disguise! It was the only blessing that came out of my father's passing! However, between you and me, I would deal with the devil if it meant having my parents back in my life!
If you have any comments or suggestions for this page please feel free to write me. I look forward to hearing from you. Happy Father's Day!
[This page is more a personal tribute to my own father, than one of my traditional holiday resource pages. I have always wanted to add Father's Day resources as is my custom in the other CyberSpace Holidays sites. I just have never been able to do that for Mother's Day and Father's Day in the three years the sites have been live — It is still too painful!]
In memory!
Ray Fruchtman 1910-1976
In memory!
Benjamin Fruchtman 1906-1989
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[
Graphics
Schmaphics Judaic Greeting Cards Intro | Graphics
Schmaphics Judaic Greeting Cards ]
[ Home
| Bio | FAQ
| Web Design
Questionnaire | (Jewish)
Graphics Schmaphics | Judaic
Web Design ]
[ Portfolio/Site
Directory | HTML-Haven
| HTML-Haven
Learning Gazette |
Web Design Resources | Jobs
| Holidays
| BookStore
| Contact ]
